001
Yeti
The Abominable Snowman, a name he disputes
The Himalayas · Found
- “Whose lights are those?”
- — His. The explorer went in with one lantern and the cave already had its own, strung along the walls as if somebody had been expecting company for a very long time. They were on when we arrived. Nobody talks about this.
- “How big is he?”
- — Enormous. An earlier note said “very enormous”. We have corrected it.
- “Does he have a mouth?”
- — No. He has a flat face, two black bead eyes, and ears that sit lower than you would guess. The absence of a mouth has never once stopped him singing.
- “What happens when he stamps his foot?”
- — Nobody was told. Everybody was told not to make him. The explorer made him. What happened next is a song. You will hear it when the film is released, and not before.
- Height
- enormous. An earlier note said “very enormous”; see corrections.
- Face
- flat. The eyes are the only two features, and they are enough.
- Mouth
- none. See: singing.
- The lights
- his. They were already on when we arrived. Nobody talks about this.
- Temperament
- has been expecting you, specifically, for some time.
See 002. The two disagree about who invented the heel-toe step. Both spell “choreography” correctly, which we found suspicious.
Concept photograph. Would not hold still.
002
Bigfoot
Also recorded as Sasquatch
Pacific Northwest · Found
- “Was he running away?”
- — No. Thirty years of blurry photographs, and then one that was not: he came out of the fog at a walk. He was never running from anyone. He was on his way somewhere, and the somewhere had a beat.
- “What about the footprints?”
- — They made more sense from above. Heel, toe, heel, toe, a pause, and the same again, so exactly repeated that the tracker following them stopped tracking and started, without meaning to, tapping.
- “Is the footwork review finished?”
- — Footwork remains under review. The review is going extremely well, which is itself under review.
- “How tall is he?”
- — Taller than the tent. The tent was large.
- Height
- taller than the tent. The tent was large.
- Gait
- heel first. Trust him.
- Temperament
- quietly confident. Surprisingly precise on the dance floor.
- Preferred music
- country. The line-dance kind. He is very clear about this.
- Items recovered
- one heel-toe diagram, drawn in mud, corrected twice.
See 003. One postcard, addressed to “The Loch”, reading only: HEEL FIRST. TRUST ME.
Concept photograph. Would not hold still.
003
Nessie
The Loch Ness Monster, a title she has retired
Loch Ness, Scotland · Found
- “Who booked the pipers?”
- — Nobody has explained the pipers. They were already playing when she came up. Three men on the shore had begun to dance and did not stop, and she watched them from the water with the patience of something that has been workshopping material since the year 565.
- “Is it always the neck?”
- — It has always been the neck. Her grievance is documented and long-standing. She would like it known that the rest of her was also present, on this and every other occasion, and that she leads with the shoulder, as nature intended.
- “Did she approve this photograph?”
- — She did. It is the first. Conditions applied. The conditions were hers.
- “How long has she been doing this?”
- — Since the year 565. She considers the material fresh.
- Length
- disputed. The camera has never managed all of it.
- Distinguishing features
- the neck, apparently. Only ever the neck.
- Temperament
- gracious, with one documented grievance.
- Preferred music
- rap. British. She has bars, and twelve hundred years of material.
- Items recovered
- one beach ball, returned to the children by flipper.
See 008. Celtic neighbours. Letters are exchanged monthly about who keeps the better body of water. The letters are cordial. The postscripts are not.
Concept photograph. Would not hold still.
008
Dragon
Y Ddraig Goch, as the tavern insists
Wales · Found
- “Fifty feet of roaring fire?”
- — That was the tavern. We have now met the dragon. The tavern account has been amended three times. The dragon was consulted, and the dragon was kind about it.
- “What was in the crate?”
- — The dragon, until somewhere past the viaduct. What went up over the valley was red, calm, and listening for something.
- “Did the sheep say anything?”
- — The sheep have made no statement. Everyone agrees this is the statement.
- “Does he really wait for the chorus?”
- — A brass band was, for reasons nobody has managed to explain, already in position in the field below. When it struck up he waited for the chorus before the wing turn. He waited. Musicality confirmed.
- Wingspan
- wider than the crate. The crate has been retired.
- Temperature
- warm to the touch. Warmer to the ear.
- Temperament
- gentle; see the sheep’s statement, or rather the absence of one.
- Preferred music
- sea shanty. Inland. He does not consider this a contradiction.
- Items recovered
- one freight crate, ex-crate; fourteen metres of chain, apologetic.
See 001. The Yeti has offered him a guest verse. He has replied, formally, that shanties do not have verses. They have weather.
Concept photograph. Would not hold still.
017
Chupacabra
The goat story, retold by the goats
Mexico · Found
- “What happened to the goats?”
- — For thirty years the story was that something small and green came down from the hills at night and the goats were never the same. This is true. The goats have rhythm now. They follow him from village to village, and no fiesta in the state will start until he arrives.
- “Is he as big as the stories say?”
- — He is smaller than everybody expected and greener than anybody wanted to admit.
- “Who dances with him?”
- — Whoever steps forward first. Somebody always does. There is a rule about it now, and the rule was his idea.
- “What about the guitars?”
- — We cannot discuss the guitars. We have been asked, repeatedly. We can confirm there are guitars.
- Height
- knee-high to a goat, if the goat is standing on a crate.
- Colour
- green. Greener at fiestas.
- Temperament
- first on the floor, last to leave.
- Preferred music
- mariachi, with a rule about the guitars we cannot discuss.
- Items recovered
- nothing. He returns everything. The goats keep the bunting.
See 020. The two have never met, and both insist they have, and neither will say where.
Concept photograph. Would not hold still.
020
Baku
The dream-eater, on request
Japan · Found
- “What does he eat?”
- — Bad dreams. Only the bad ones. He has been offered good ones by children who wanted to see what would happen, and he declines, politely, every time. He is very particular about this.
- “How do you call him?”
- — Three times. This has worked in Japan for a very long time and it still works. He is, if anything, faster than he used to be, and has started arriving before the dream does, which the children consider an improvement and the dreams consider unfair.
- “Is that a cloud or a bed?”
- — We have both versions on file. He has signed neither. He stands on it in the middle of the room and waits to be told which dream.
- “Is he shy?”
- — About the trunk. Only about the trunk.
- Diet
- bad dreams only.
- Arrival
- three calls. Or one, if you sound like you mean it.
- Vehicle
- a cloud. Formerly a bed.
- Temperament
- gentle. Slightly self-conscious about the trunk.
- Items recovered
- one bedtime, restored.
See 001. The Yeti has asked him about the lights. He has asked the Yeti about sleep. Neither has answered.
Concept photograph. Would not hold still.
